Category Chaos and Grace

Day 53 - Today my brain felt bigger. That might sound like a strange way to describe a day, but it’s the closest word I can find. For months my mind has been very focused on a narrow...

Day 52 - Something small but interesting happened today. I caught myself being curious again. Not about trauma. Not about the case. Not about survival or safety or the thousand calculations my brain has been running for the...

Day 51 - Healing has a middle phase that nobody talks about. The beginning is dramatic. Everything hurts. Everything feels overwhelming. Survival mode is loud and constant. The end, theoretically, is peaceful. Closure. Resolution. A sense that the...

Day 50 - I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning and had a strange moment of recognition. Not the superficial kind. Something deeper. Transition is an interesting experience because your body changes gradually over...

Day 49 - Trauma does something strange to the body. Even when your mind understands that you’re safe, your nervous system doesn’t always get the memo. Today I felt that. Nothing bad happened. No news. No unexpected events....

Day 48 - I’ve been thinking about winter again. Not just the season outside the window. The internal one. The kind Katherine May talks about. The periods of life where everything slows down whether you want it to...

Day 47 - Today something reminded me that the world is still beautiful. Which might sound obvious. But when trauma happens, beauty gets harder to notice. Your brain becomes hyper-focused on threat detection. Survival mode. Scanning. Protecting. Beauty...

Day 46 - I’ve been thinking a lot about strength lately. The version of strength people usually talk about is loud. Fighting. Winning. Standing tall in the middle of a storm. But that’s not the kind of strength...

Day 45 - Something new showed up today. Not fear. Not sadness. Anger. And before anyone panics about that word, let me explain. It wasn’t the chaotic, volcanic rage that shows up when trauma is fresh. I’ve already...

Day 44 - Today was uneventful in the best possible way. Coffee in the morning. A few emails. Roger attempting to negotiate additional treats using what can only be described as emotional manipulation. Somewhere in the middle of...