Day 160 – Then it gets real very fast. Because in theory, community is warm. Supportive. Nourishing. People showing up, meals appearing, understanding flowing naturally, everybody somehow already knowing how to hold one another…

Day 159 – That’s the energy. Not in some dramatic “new month, new me” kind of way. Please. If I ever wake up talking like a scented candle with Wi-Fi, somebody sedate me with a weighted blanket and a very direct friend. No, thi…

Day 158 – April did not come to play. That is the first thing that needs to be said. This month arrived in heels, carrying spring in one hand and a folding chair in the other, and proceeded to drag me through transition, visibility, family, my birthday, being seen, not being heard, grief, womanhood, identity,…

Day 157 – Respectfully, grief is weird as hell. I know that is not the classic poetic framing people reach for. They want grief draped in velvet, looking out a rain-streaked window, saying something profound about love and loss while a cello suffers quietly in the background.

Day 156 – Good women leave evidence. Not in the criminal sense, though honestly some of them should be investigated for how effortlessly they alter the emotional chemistry of a room.

Day 155 – Grief is strange the day after. Or maybe grief is always strange and I only notice it more clearly once the initial shock puts its purse down and starts settling into the furniture.

Day 154 – Today brought the kind of sadness that doesn’t arrive loudly. It just changes the air. A good friend passed today, my girlfriend’s mother, and even writing that feels strange and wrong in the way death always does. Like language should be stronger for moments like this and yet somehow it always arrives…

Day 153 – I’ve been thinking lately about the things that keep me alive. Not in the dramatic “what is the meaning of life” sense, where everybody suddenly starts acting like grief automatically makes you wise and ethereal and very good at sitting near windows. I mean practically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Like, what actually keeps me…

Day 152 – I think one of the cruelest things about pain is how quickly the burden shifts onto the hurt person. Not just emotionally. Structurally.

Day 151 – There are some things that should never become part of your life. Shopping for attorneys is one of them.