{"id":1636,"date":"2026-03-18T02:35:51","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T02:35:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=1636"},"modified":"2026-05-06T06:23:58","modified_gmt":"2026-05-06T06:23:58","slug":"the-quiet-gets-loud","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=1636","title":{"rendered":"The Quiet Gets Loud"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Quiet Gets Loud<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 29 – December 22, 2025<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today was quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not peaceful quiet. Not soft, candlelit, exhale quiet. More like the kind of quiet that lets you hear every thought too clearly and every memory start clearing its throat in the corner like it pays rent here. That kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s strange how loud life gets when nothing is happening. No emergency. No phone call. No big emotional scene. Just me, my apartment, my own mind, and the kind of silence that makes everything feel a little too close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think that\u2019s one of the crueler parts of trauma honestly. It doesn\u2019t always kick the door in dramatically. Sometimes it just sits beside you in a still room and waits for your nervous system to notice it\u2019s there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And mine noticed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not in some crazy breakdown sort of way. More like this low hum under everything. This subtle sense that my body was alert even when my life was not. Like some primitive little part of me still believes danger is a patient man with excellent timing and absolutely no hobbies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept thinking about how much energy it takes to appear normal when your inner life is basically a smoke alarm with opinions. How many people are probably walking around like that. Looking fine. Sounding fine. Texting back with the correct amount of enthusiasm. Meanwhile their brain is one weird pause away from writing a dissertation on survival, memory, and whether or not the grocery store lighting has always felt vaguely hostile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ll be like, \u201cHaha yes, totally, sounds good,\u201d while internally trying to keep our nervous system from filing for divorce. And somehow that\u2019s considered functioning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, I made it through the day. I made coffee. I straightened up a little. I answered a message or two. I let Roger be absurd and deeply committed to whatever invisible crime he was investigating in the backyard. I existed inside my life instead of hovering just outside of it, which, some days, is a bigger accomplishment than anyone can see from the outside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the thing. There are days where surviving looks obvious. Noble. Dramatic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then there are days like this one. Days where the victory is quieter. I didn’t spiral. I didn’t disappear. I didn’t let the silence eat the whole room. I just stayed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And staying is a pretty big deal. Staying is actually a wildly underappreciated flex. Because there is a version of me that could have given the whole day away to fear. A version that could have handed it over to memory, let it rot, let it pull me backward by the ankles. But I didn\u2019t. I stayed in the apartment. I stayed in the body. I stayed in the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not elegantly. But sufficiently. Which is all some days deserve from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tonight the quiet still feels loud but it doesn\u2019t feel all powerful. There\u2019s a difference. It can hum all it wants. I\u2019m still here. Still breathing. Still making the room mine even when old ghosts try to sit in the better chair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They can stand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And me learning that even the loudest quiet eventually has to make room for me too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 29 – Today was quiet. Not peaceful quiet. Not soft, candlelit, exhale quiet. 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