{"id":1638,"date":"2026-03-18T04:35:51","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T04:35:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=1638"},"modified":"2026-05-06T06:24:37","modified_gmt":"2026-05-06T06:24:37","slug":"christmas-eve-apparently","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=1638","title":{"rendered":"Christmas Eve, Apparently"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Christmas Eve, Apparently<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 31 – December 24, 2025<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The holidays are strange this year. Not tragic. Not dramatic. Just strange in that quiet sideways way where everything feels slightly out of focus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christmas Eve used to feel bigger somehow. Louder. More theatrical. Full of plans and expectations and people moving through the day with that frantic holiday energy like they\u2019re starring in a movie montage about family traditions. This year it\u2019s just me, Roger, and a tree that\u2019s trying its best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And honestly? It\u2019s not bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The apartment feels soft tonight. The lights from the tree reflecting on the walls like little constellations. Music playing quietly in the background. There\u2019s something oddly peaceful about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think trauma changes the way you experience holidays. It strips away the performance layer. The expectations. The social choreography of what the day is \u201csupposed\u201d to feel like. Instead you end up with something much simpler. Presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not the Instagram version of it. The real one. Coffee that actually tastes like coffee. Warm light in a quiet room. A dog who thinks you are the center of the universe. And a nervous system that, for once, isn\u2019t actively trying to climb out of your body and run away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll take it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is I didn\u2019t have the emotional bandwidth for a big holiday this year. My brain is still busy doing advanced level trauma gymnastics most days, and forcing myself into festive mode felt about as appealing as wrestling a bear while wearing stilettos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I chose quiet. And quiet, it turns out, can be surprisingly kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were moments tonight where I felt something close to gratitude. Not the performative kind people post about on social media with inspirational quotes and curated lighting. Just simple gratitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grateful that I\u2019m still here. Grateful that I reported what happened even though it scared the hell out of me. Grateful for the handful of people in my life who show up with real love instead of empty advice. Grateful for Roger, who continues to be a four legged emotional support companion with an exceptional talent for sensing when I need him nearby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Healing is slow. Messy. Nonlinear. Occasionally ridiculous. But tonight sitting in the soft glow of this little apartment with the world quiet outside the windows, something inside me relaxed just a little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And right now a little is plenty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And me moving forward in the quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 31 – The holidays are strange this year. Not tragic. Not dramatic. Just strange in that quiet, sideways way where everything feels slightly out of focus. Christmas Eve used to feel bigger somehow. Louder. More theatrical. 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