{"id":2091,"date":"2026-04-06T00:07:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-06T00:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=2091"},"modified":"2026-05-18T17:05:23","modified_gmt":"2026-05-18T17:05:23","slug":"2026-04-23-the-lawyers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=2091","title":{"rendered":"The Part That Keeps Going"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Part That Keeps Going<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 151 – April 23, 2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are some things that should never become part of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not in a dramatic sense. In a very plain one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are things that should remain so far outside the architecture of your daily existence that you never become fluent in them, never adapt around them, never develop emotional calluses in the exact places they keep hitting because they should not have been allowed near you long enough to become familiar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s what I kept thinking today. This should not be part of my life. Not the aftermath. Not the constant undercurrent. Not the way it keeps reaching into ordinary days and putting its fingerprints on things that should have been allowed to stay simple. Not the fact that I have had to become so unbelievably good at carrying something that should have never been mine to carry in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That part makes me furious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the truth is, what happened to me did not just hurt me once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It kept going. It moved into the structure of things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Into the body. Into the memory. Into the calculations. Into the energy of a day before it has even fully begun. Into the private cost of staying functional while some man who violated me still gets the grotesque luxury of moving through the world like his life is still just his own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is the part that keeps taking my breath away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He is free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I am the one whose life keeps getting interrupted by what he did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is not just unfair. It is obscene.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I think that\u2019s what I want to say without dressing it up today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am tired of this being part of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tired of how much space it takes up. Tired of how much thought it steals. Tired of how many ordinary moments it stains around the edges. Tired of how much of my energy goes toward carrying, containing, surviving, metabolizing, and still somehow remaining a whole person with a personality and a future and a decent fucking outfit on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That should not be necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not be this good at enduring. I should not be this practiced in staying coherent while carrying incoherent pain. I should not be this fluent in the emotional geometry of aftermath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is not a cute hidden strength. That is damage adapted into function.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, I know I\u2019m still beautiful. I know I\u2019m still funny. I know I\u2019m still writing like a woman who intends to leave teeth marks on language. I know I\u2019m still becoming more myself in a hundred ways that matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But some days I don\u2019t want to admire that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some days I want to sit in the raw truth that none of this should have been required of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s today. Today I am not inspired by resilience. I am offended by what required it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am offended that I have had to become this skilled at carrying pain elegantly. I am offended that I have had to keep living around something that should have been stopped at the source. I am offended that the world so casually asks women to integrate horror and still call that maturity when really it is just survival with mascara on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is not noble. That is brutal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe the worst part is how normal it can look from the outside. A woman having a day. Making coffee. Answering texts. Walking Roger. Existing. Meanwhile inside, there\u2019s this whole second reality. This constant unwanted knowledge, this private cost, this running tab of grief, anger, vigilance, and disbelief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one sees the full bill. I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roger continues to live by a much better philosophy, which is that the day should contain snacks, outside time, emotional honesty, and close physical contact with the person you love most. No bureaucracy. No abstraction. No \u201cbuild character through prolonged suffering\u201d nonsense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The dog is right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life should be more like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe that\u2019s why this hurts so much. Because I know what life is supposed to contain. Beauty. Desire. Love. Curiosity. Community. Walks. Food. Women who get you. A dog with absurd emotional intelligence and the face of a very handsome block headed angel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This should not be part of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This violation. This aftermath. This long humiliating tail of consequences that keeps trying to attach itself to days that should belong to spring and beauty and becoming and literally anything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I reject that. Even while living with it, I reject it. And that feels like the truest thing I can say tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And me, still carrying what should have never been allowed into my life, and refusing to call that anything but what it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 151 – There are some things that should never become part of your life. Shopping for attorneys is one of them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":452,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2091","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaos-and-grace"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Part That Keeps Going - Wild Poise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A raw, reflective entry journal entry - honest thoughts on healing, resilience, uncertainty, and rebuilding life one day at a time.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=2091\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Part That Keeps Going - 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