{"id":2124,"date":"2026-04-04T00:10:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-04T00:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=2124"},"modified":"2026-05-16T02:51:29","modified_gmt":"2026-05-16T02:51:29","slug":"day-126-i-notice-who-feels-safe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=2124","title":{"rendered":"I Notice Who Feels Safe"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I Notice Who Feels Safe<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 126 – March 29, 2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the strangest parts of living through what I\u2019ve lived through is how differently safety feels now. Not abstract safety. Not policy, locks, and logistics. Though obviously yes, those matter too. I mean the felt sense of it. The body sense. The weird little immediate knowing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people feel safe. Some don\u2019t. And my body usually knows before my mind does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s fascinating. Also inconvenient. Also, occasionally, a little humiliating when the body starts having opinions in situations where the conscious mind would have preferred to remain mysterious and chic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But still. I\u2019ve learned to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And lately I\u2019ve been noticing that safety is not always where it looks like it should be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It isn\u2019t always the most polished person. It isn\u2019t always the loudest reassurance. It isn\u2019t always the one who says exactly the right thing in a tone designed to suggest emotional literacy and proper hydration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes safety is much simpler than that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes it\u2019s the person who doesn\u2019t rush you. The one who doesn\u2019t need your pain to become legible on their timeline. The one who doesn\u2019t treat your boundaries like an intellectual puzzle to solve or a customer service issue to escalate. The one who does not make your nervous system feel like it has to perform wellness just so the room can stay comfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That matters to me now in a way it did not before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I notice who lets me breathe. I notice who makes me feel like I have to explain less. Who doesn\u2019t flinch from truth. Who doesn\u2019t need me smaller. Who doesn\u2019t confuse sweetness with access. Who doesn\u2019t make a spectacle out of their own supposed \u201csupport\u201d while quietly centering themselves in my pain like they deserve a fucking medal for not being actively awful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That last category is larger than I care for. But so is the first. And that gives me hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because one of the most heartbreaking things about violation is the way it scrambles the body\u2019s relationship to trust. It doesn\u2019t just hurt you. It makes every future maybe feel more expensive. Every softness gets audited. Every charm gets reviewed. Every room is subjected to a quiet internal background check whether you want it or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I am tired of pretending it\u2019s not. But I\u2019m also starting to understand that awareness is not the enemy here. The point is not to go back to some earlier version of me who trusted too fast and called it openness because she wanted the world to be kinder than it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The point is to become more exact without becoming closed. That\u2019s harder. And much more interesting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roger, naturally, feels safe in the presence of anyone who appears likely to admire him and unsafe in the presence of vacuum cleaners, suspicious bushes, and occasionally the clap of thunder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He contains multitudes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even he knows who his people are. He knows where he relaxes. He knows when to lean in and when to bark first and ask questions never. Honestly? Valid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe that\u2019s the thing. Safety isn\u2019t always dramatic. Sometimes it\u2019s just the absence of pressure. The absence of performance. The absence of that tiny internal tightening that says, \u201cBe careful. This one wants something from you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I notice when that tightening doesn\u2019t happen now. I notice who leaves me softer, steadier, more myself. That noticing is not paranoia. It\u2019s intelligence finally being allowed to stay in the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And me, paying very close attention to who feels like peace and who merely wants to be mistaken for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 126 – One of the strangest parts of living through what I\u2019ve lived through is how differently safety feels now. Not abstract safety. Not policy, locks, and logistics \u2014 though obviously yes, those matter too. 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