{"id":362,"date":"2025-12-07T00:42:40","date_gmt":"2025-12-07T00:42:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=362"},"modified":"2026-04-01T16:10:09","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T16:10:09","slug":"i-didnt-plan-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=362","title":{"rendered":"I Didn\u2019t Plan This\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I Didn’t Plan This…<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

But Apparently My Life Had Other Plans<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

So apparently I\u2019m starting a public journal. Which is hilarious, because I can barely commit to finishing a cup of coffee before switching personalities for the day. And yet here I am. Willingly inviting strangers into the labyrinth that is my brain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay this may be bold choice. Brave choice. Chaotic choice. Curiously graceful choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But something in me. The tiny, dark, mystical fairy part that sees through all my bullshit woke up this morning and went, \u201cWrite. Today. Now.\u201d So now I\u2019m listening to my cute inner mischievous cryptid like she\u2019s the CEO of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The weird thing? This doesn\u2019t feel heavy. Which is suspicious. My life has been a high-definition documentary of heavy things, and suddenly the air feels, lighter? Electric? Mischievous? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a spark under my ribs doing a full choreographed number, absolutely uninvited. Rude to be honest. But dazzling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lately I\u2019ve been in that fun little state where I\u2019m both bone-deep exhausted and<\/em> fully electrified. Like someone poured espresso into a haunted doll. My brain is running laps. My heart is sending encrypted messages I\u2019m too smart to decode. And my soul just kicked open a window and said, \u201cLet\u2019s try existing differently today.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Honestly? I love her for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe this stupid little moment where I\u2019m staring at a blinking cursor like it owes me something is the real beginning. Not the dramatic phoenix-rising thing. But the quiet, unsettling shift where you realize you\u2019re not going to disappear again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re doing life again. Weird flex, but I\u2019ll roll with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen, I\u2019ve lived enough lives at this point to know I\u2019m not delicate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m curious in a borderline dangerous way, resilient like I\u2019m collecting trophies for it, chaotically intelligent, occasionally profound by accident, and allergic to pretending my edges don\u2019t exist. I\u2019m pretty adorable and yes, I know it. But fragile absolutely not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And admitting that I don\u2019t need to earn a fresh start? Its both liberating and freeing. To be honest, its downright scandalous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t need to file my trauma alphabetically or present my healing in a slideshow. Sometimes life body-checks you into the pavement and the only correct response is, \u201cokay rude,\u201d followed immediately by standing up, mascara smudged, hair a mess, eyes blazing, somehow prettier, somehow smarter, somehow more terrifying to anyone who underestimated you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s exactly what this feels like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A reboot I didn\u2019t schedule, but one the universe apparently did. There\u2019s this magnetic little pull in my chest. A shift I can\u2019t name yet. A spark behaving like it pays rent here. And here\u2019s the part that scares me in a good way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere in these words, I can feel myself returning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not the coping version. Not the \u201cI\u2019m fine :)\u201d liar. Not the shrink-wrapped version of myself I learned to hand out to keep people comfortable. No, I mean me<\/em>. The sharp one. The soft one. The curious one who asks too many questions and somehow gets answers the universe didn\u2019t even mean to reveal. The me who is a little intimidating in a way no one can place, because it\u2019s not loud, it\u2019s just true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So apparently I\u2019m starting a public journal. Which is hilarious, because I can barely commit to finishing a cup of coffee before switching personalities for the day. And yet here I am. Willingly inviting strangers into the labyrinth that is my brain.<\/p>\n

Bold choice. Brave choice. Chaotic choice. Curiously graceful choice. <\/p>\n

But something in me. The tiny, dark, mystical fairy part that sees through all my bullshit woke up this morning and went, \u201cWrite. Today. Now.\u201d So now I\u2019m listening to my cute inner mischievous cryptid like she\u2019s the CEO of my life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaos-and-grace"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Moment Everything Shifted<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A chaotic, tender, powerful beginning. 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