{"id":399,"date":"2025-12-07T04:02:23","date_gmt":"2025-12-07T04:02:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=399"},"modified":"2026-04-01T16:49:28","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T16:49:28","slug":"the-day-fear-wouldnt-leave","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=399","title":{"rendered":"The Day Fear Wouldn\u2019t Leave"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The Day Fear Wouldn\u2019t Leave<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 12 – December 5, 2025<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not even sure how to talk about today. It was Friday. That\u2019s about the only neutral fact I have. Everything else felt like a tight, shaking breath I couldn\u2019t release.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still haven\u2019t heard anything. Nothing from the detective. Nothing about the case. Nothing about the man who changed my life in ways I never asked for. And silence is its own kind of violence when you\u2019re trying to heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been living in fear all week. Fear that sits in my chest, fear that keeps scanning windows and hallways, fear that lives under my skin like a second heartbeat. The kind of fear that doesn\u2019t need imagination, because it\u2019s tied to someone real. Someone dangerous. Someone who hurt me more than once and walked back into my life months later just to remind me he could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This man knows where I live. The walls know that. The floors know that. My nervous system knows that too well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And even though the authorities are pursuing him, there\u2019s a part of me that keeps wondering what if he gets away with it? What if he finds out? What if he comes back?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hate that this is my reality. I hate that my home, the first place I\u2019ve ever lived truly as myself, became a place where I flinch at every sound. It was supposed to be my beginning. My fresh start. My safe space.
Instead, it became a cage. A battleground. A memory of everything I\u2019ve survived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There have been moments of happiness in this apartment and they were real. But so was the panic. So was the dread. So was the constant scanning of shadows, locks, out windows, and down stairwells.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I\u2019ve had to face all of it in a version of hell I didn\u2019t choose. No escape route. No easy way out when my body screamed to leave. When your brain tells you you\u2019re in danger, having no way to physically get away is its own form of torture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That man threatened me months after the assaults. Came to my home. Reminded me of what he could do. And I\u2019ve been living in the aftershock ever since. Terrified to speak, terrified to move, terrified that telling the truth would cost me my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This past year destroyed me. Completely. I don\u2019t sugarcoat that. I don\u2019t pretend it was \u201cfor growth\u201d or \u201cpart of the journey.\u201d It broke me. It stripped things from me I can\u2019t get back. It reshaped my nervous system, my routines, my identity, my sense of safety, my trust in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today all of that weight sat on me at once. The silence. The waiting. The memories. The fear. The anger. The exhaustion of surviving something no one should ever have to survive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel equal parts sad, furious, and lost. Sad for the girl I was before this. Furious at the man who decided her body was his to take. Lost in the space between who I\u2019ve been and who I\u2019m trying so desperately to become.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even in the fear, even in the sadness, even in the fury, one thing is still true. I\u2019m here. Breathing. Writing. Refusing to disappear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And a spine that refuses to break even when today tried to bend it in half.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 12 – I\u2019m not even sure how to talk about today. It was Friday. That\u2019s about the only neutral fact I have. Everything else felt like a tight, shaking breath I couldn\u2019t release. I still haven\u2019t heard anything. Nothing from the detective. Nothing about the case. Nothing about the man who changed my life in ways I never asked for. And silence is its own kind of violence when you\u2019re trying to heal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaos-and-grace"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Day Fear Wouldn\u2019t Leave - Wild Poise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A powerful reflection on living in fear after assault \u2014 panic, isolation, danger, survival, and the emotional toll of waiting for justice.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=399\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Day Fear Wouldn\u2019t Leave - 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