{"id":555,"date":"2025-12-09T16:35:01","date_gmt":"2025-12-09T16:35:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=555"},"modified":"2026-04-01T16:58:20","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T16:58:20","slug":"the-day-i-realized-fear-has-been-living-my-life-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=555","title":{"rendered":"The Day I Realized Fear Has Been Living My Life For Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The Day I Realized Fear Has Been Living My Life For Me<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 15 – December 8, 2025<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mondays. Bah. Mondays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear lived loudly in my mind today. Not in the \u201chide in the closet with Roger and pray for reincarnation\u201d way (mercifully), but in the awareness way. The reflective way. The kind of fear that doesn\u2019t scream. It just stares back at you, waiting for acknowledgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept thinking about the hold it has taken on me. Not a gentle hold, a chokehold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A grip with its own agenda, one I never asked for and never consented to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear turned my life into a place I didn\u2019t recognize for a long time. It dictated my choices. It rewired my instincts. It hollowed out my sense of safety until even breathing felt borrowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It broke me. Completely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And for a while, I truly thought it had killed something permanent inside me. Something I\u2019d never get back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two weeks ago today, I reported what happened. Two weeks of waiting for justice to begin.
Two weeks living in a more intense and terrifying state of fear than anything I\u2019ve survived before, and that\u2019s saying something. Two weeks of knowing the authorities are \u201cdoing something\u201d and yet having no idea what. Two weeks of waking up with adrenaline in my bloodstream like it\u2019s drinking my coffee before I get the chance to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My fear is real. My fear is valid. My fear is everyday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This man owns properties. He assaulted me at one I viewed. He threatened and coerced me into returning. Then months later he showed up at my apartment, the one he had no business being at, lying about needing in my apartment, looking for access, threatening me again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course I\u2019m afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course I\u2019ve been barely surviving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course my nervous system has been screaming for a year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And here\u2019s the part I\u2019ve never said out loud…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For an entire year, I lived as fear\u2019s bitch. And I\u2019m done with that now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, I sat at my kitchen table as the sun set right outside my window. The window I once looked out of with excitement about my new home. My first home on my own, as myself. A place meant to be safe, warm, sacred, and mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, fear moved in before I even finished unpacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking at that sunset tonight. Those ridiculous pinks and reds and purples painting the sky like the world was trying to apologize. I felt something pull at me. A quiet sadness for everything I\u2019ve missed because I\u2019ve been too busy surviving my own life to actually live in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But also a reminder. One small, surprising reminder that a single beautiful moment can change everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe, just maybe, this is my moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not a cinematic breakthrough. Not the end of fear. But the beginning of something shifting. The beginning of a woman stepping back into her own body after a year of hiding inside the shadows of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today was a lot. Today was heavy. Today was honest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And somehow today was also a beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And a sunset reminding me that I\u2019m not done becoming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 15 –<\/p>\n

Mondays.
\nBah. Mondays.<\/p>\n

Fear lived loudly in my mind today. Not in the \u201chide in the closet with Roger and pray for reincarnation\u201d way (mercifully), but in the awareness way. The reflective way. The kind of fear that doesn\u2019t scream. It just stares back at you, waiting for acknowledgment.<\/p>\n

I kept thinking about the hold it has taken on me.
\nNot a gentle hold, a chokehold.<\/p>\n

A grip with its own agenda, one I never asked for and never consented to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaos-and-grace"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Day I Realized Fear Has Been Living My Life For Me - Wild Poise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A raw reflection on trauma, fear, safety, resilience, and the moment I finally decided to stop letting fear dictate my life.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=555\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Day I Realized Fear Has Been Living My Life For Me - 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