{"id":585,"date":"2025-12-10T19:56:05","date_gmt":"2025-12-10T19:56:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=585"},"modified":"2026-04-01T17:04:13","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T17:04:13","slug":"dissociation-trauma-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=585","title":{"rendered":"The Day My Brain Clocked Out"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Day My Brain Clocked Out<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Day 16 – December 9, 2025<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today was a fever dream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not bad. Not dramatic. Just deeply and profoundly feral brained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I woke up, took one look at my coffee, and my body said, \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Didn\u2019t finish it. Didn\u2019t even make eye contact with it after the first sip. That alone should\u2019ve been my omen. Like the universe whispering, \u201cSweetheart\u2026 brace yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meditation? Gorgeous. Workout? Great. Productivity? High enough to impress any therapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mind? Absolutely not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was OFF. She clocked out. She left an away message. She put up a little sign that said: \u201cBe back never. Good luck, bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I spent the entire day in this bizarre half-lucid state. Like a cute little character wandering through a video game, aware that I was supposed to be doing things but absolutely unclear on what those things were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zombie mode, totally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But not Walking Dead<\/a><\/strong>. I refuse to associate myself with anything flaky, crusty, or giving \u201chasn\u2019t moisturized since 2012 vibes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was a Warm Bodies<\/a><\/strong> zombie. The hot, confused variety. The \u201cI have a heart now and feelings are terrifying but also kind of cute\u201d variety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was basically R today. Roaming through the day like, \u201cI know I was doing something… Something meaningful? Something important? oh look, a candle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At one point I caught myself staring into the void like the universe was giving a TedTalk titled, \u201cDissociation: Congratulations, You\u2019re Healing (We Think).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept putting things down and losing them immediately. The ADHD girlie in me was thriving, the traumatized girlie in me was trembling, and the inner academic in me was like, \u201cAh yes, neural integration. Fascinating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My thoughts were doing drive byes. Showing up, waving, disappearing before I could catch the license plate. But here\u2019s what made the whole day feel unhinged in the best possible way… I wasn\u2019t scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not even a little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That alone feels like a rebirth. A plot twist. A spicy season finale reveal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last year, this level of dissociation would\u2019ve launched me into a full psychological tailspin. Today?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just sighed, shrugged, and said, \u201cOh. Her again. Slay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the part I want people to understand. I wasn\u2019t \u201cchecking out.\u201d I wasn\u2019t \u201closing control.\u201d I was healing.<\/em> I AM healing. Trauma brains do this fun little trick where, once you stop drowning, they begin rearranging the furniture. Reprocessing memories. Reorganizing neural pathways. Running background updates like an iPhone that waited until 3am when you\u2019re vulnerable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s chaotic and confusing. It\u2019s also, ironically, progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was sadness today. Not the dramatic, cry on the floor kind. The quiet, grownup, \u201cWow\u2026 I really lived through some hell, didn\u2019t I?\u201d kind. But there was pride woven through it, too. Like gold thread hidden in a dark fabric.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pride that I kept going. Pride that I stayed present enough to notice the slipping. Pride that even in zombie mode, I was still building a life that fear doesn\u2019t get to touch anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I built a whole damn website this week. I\u2019m writing like my soul is kicking down doors. I\u2019m healing in ways that feel both feral and intentional. I\u2019m becoming someone my past self wouldn\u2019t recognize. In the best way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today didn\u2019t break me. It didn\u2019t even bruise me. It just reminded me that healing is messy. And weird. And sometimes looks like putting your keys in the fridge and calling it personal growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So yes, today was chaotic. A brain out of office day. A \u201cmy mind left the chat but my body kept hosting the meeting\u201d day. A day that made zero sense and also made perfect sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because even when I glitch, I rise. I return. I rebuild.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chaos in one hand. Grace in the other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And a brain that occasionally abandons me but always comes back with new wisdom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 16 – Today was a fever dream. Not bad. Not dramatic. Just deeply, profoundly feral-brained. I woke up, took one look at my coffee, and my body said, \u201cNope.\u201d Didn\u2019t finish it. Didn\u2019t even make eye contact with it after the first sip. That alone should\u2019ve been my omen. Like the universe whispering, \u201cSweetheart\u2026 brace yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meditation? Gorgeous.
\nWorkout? Great.
\nProductivity? High enough to impress any therapist.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaos-and-grace"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Day My Brain Clocked Out - Wild Poise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The day dissociation showed up but fear didn\u2019t win \u2014 a wild, intelligent, healing journal entry for anyone rebuilding themselves.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wildpoise.com\/?p=585\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Day My Brain Clocked Out - 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