Day 261 – I used to think being known was mostly about information. What somebody knows about you. Your history. Your favorite things. Your stories. The things that hurt. The things that make you laugh. The exact tone of voice you use when you are pretending not to be annoyed even though everyone in the…

Day 260 – I am very talented at worrying about things that have not happened. This is not a skill I recommend. My brain can take a perfectly ordinary possibility and turn it into a fully funded disaster simulation before breakfast. Something might go wrong. Someone might disappoint me. A plan might fall apart. A…

Day 257 – I have been thinking about the people who make your nervous system quieter. Not necessarily the people you have known longest. Not the people with the most history. Not the people who technically occupy the correct role in your life. The people you can exhale around. There is a difference. Some people…

Day 256 – I am still angry. I do not talk about that part as much lately because anger is messy. Sadness is easier for people. Fear makes sense. Grief makes sense. Anger makes people nervous. Especially anger from women. Sad women get sympathy. Angry women get instructions. Calm down. Move on. Do not let…

Day 254 – I think I have spent too much of my life trying to make everything mean something. Probably occupational hazard. Writer sees ordinary event. Writer immediately begins asking what it symbolizes. Dangerous. Today I caught myself trying to extract a life lesson from an afternoon that honestly did not deserve one. Nothing happened.…

Day 253 – I used to think there were only two possible outcomes after something terrible happened. Either you got over it, or you didn’t. Very tidy. Very dramatic. Very useless. The older I get, the more suspicious I become of anything that tries to divide a human life into two clean categories. Healed or…

Day 250 – That number looks absurd. Two hundred and fifty days of this. Two hundred and fifty days since I started putting pieces of my life here because I did not know what else to do with them. I did not plan to reach 250. I did not plan any of this. At the…

Day 249 – I know I am doing better when I start asking weird questions again. That is one of the more reliable indicators. When I am deeply anxious or depressed or stuck inside something heavy, my brain gets practical in the worst possible way. Everything becomes about getting through the day. What needs to…

Day 247 – Fear is very convincing. That is one of its better tricks. It rarely arrives saying, “Hi, I am an emotional response based on prior experience and may not accurately reflect current conditions.” That would be useful. Instead, fear shows up dressed like information. This is dangerous. This will go badly. Do not…

Day 243 – I keep thinking about normal. People say things like, “I just want things to feel normal again,” and I completely understand what they mean. I have said it. Probably repeatedly. But I am no longer sure normal is a real destination. What normal? Which version? The normal before something happened? The normal…