Category Chaos and Grace

Day 103 - Some things stay with you. Not in the dramatic way people talk about trauma when they want to sound profound at brunch. I mean in the real way. The body way...

Day 102 - Some days I think the real problem is that I understand too much and not enough at the exact same time. Which is a deeply annoying way to be alive. I understand enough about trauma now to know why my body does what it does. Why certain sounds land wrong. Why a perfectly ordinary day can suddenly feel emotionally overpriced.

Day 101 - One of the quiet realizations that’s been unfolding lately is this: My life belongs to me again. That might sound obvious, but when someone violates your safety the way I experienced last year, it can...

Day 100 - There’s a strange quiet that follows big realizations. Not the heavy silence that comes from fear or sadness. A different kind. The kind that feels like your mind has rearranged its furniture overnight and now...

Day 99 - I’ve been thinking about those two words a lot lately. Wild. Poise. They sound like opposites at first. Wild is instinct. Curiosity. The untamed part of a person that refuses to live quietly inside a...

Day 98 - March arrived today. Which feels symbolic in a way I’m still trying to understand. When I started this journal months ago, I was standing at the edge of something terrifying. Telling the truth. Facing memories...

Day 97 - Today felt ordinary. And I mean that in the best possible way. Coffee in the morning. A walk with Roger. Sunlight coming through the window in that soft winter way that makes everything feel calmer...

Day 96 - Something I’ve been practicing lately is the art of not explaining myself. Which sounds simple. But if you’re someone who has spent years trying to be understood, it can feel almost rebellious. Humans have a...

Day 95 - One thing nobody tells you about surviving something traumatic is that it changes the way you see the world permanently. Not in the melodramatic “everything is ruined” way people sometimes assume. More like someone quietly...

Day 94 - There’s something deeply rebellious about finding joy after trauma. Not forced happiness. Real joy. The kind that shows up unexpectedly when you’re walking outside and suddenly notice the sky looks impossibly wide. Or when you...