wildpoise

Day 125 - I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to get somewhere faster. Not always physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. Existentially.

Day 124 - Spring is here, allegedly. And yet my body is still acting like it would like written confirmation, two references, and perhaps a sworn statement before fully relaxing into that reality. Very on brand.

Day 123 - There are things I no longer romanticize. Chaos, for one. I used to think chaos was interesting in a way that made it easier to tolerate. Not good, exactly. Just charged. Alive. Full of possibility.

Day 122 - Lately I’ve been thinking about how quietly rebellious it is to want more. Not in the greedy, self-help, “upgrade your life in five easy steps” kind of way. I mean in the real way. In the woman way. In the aftermath way.

Day 121 - I can feel April standing at the door. Not literally, obviously. If the months start developing physical bodies and showing up at my apartment unannounced, then I have significantly bigger problems than healing. But still.

Day 120 - March is a strange little animal. Too restless to be winter. Too erratic to be spring. One day it’s soft and almost flirtatious, and the next it’s throwing cold wind at your face like it found your optimism personally offensive.

Day 119 - Something in the air felt different today. Not in the dramatic, movie-trailer way where the season changes and suddenly everyone is reborn in flattering light with an acoustic soundtrack and emotional closure. I mean subtly.

Day 118 - I think anger gets treated badly. Not all anger. Men’s anger gets full production support. Men’s anger gets microphones, metaphors, think pieces, justification, history, context, room to breathe.

Day 117 - There are things other people do not carry. That sounds obvious until you are the one carrying them. Because from the outside, I think a lot of suffering looks invisible if it is not actively screaming.

Day 116 - There is something deeply insulting about being expected to just keep living. That’s the thought I had today. Not because I want my life to stop. Not because I am giving up.